12.30.2007

Mixed Signals

I have always been an observer. I watch people. I love to watch people interact with other people. It shows who they really are in many ways. To get a good 3-D image of somebody, one must really see them in more than one kind of situation, setting, group of people, etc.

Take, for instance: my parents. (Disclaimer: I love my parents, and nothing I say here is written in an attempt to besmirch their reputations or convey that they are less than great parents. They are human and therefore imperfect.) My parents brought me up as best they knew how. A lot of what has made me who I am today is due to their choices in rearing me. I was brought up in a Christian home with parents that loved each other and God very much. As I grew older and into a better people-watcher, I was able to see increasingly how they acted in various scenarios. Nothing extreme - just small adaptations of the normal to better fit the situation.

In my teen years, this really f---ed me up. I learn best when I can watch someone do something, so I learned well how to "adapt" who I was to give people what they wanted. In high school, all of my friends' parents thought I was this great Christian kid who rarely if ever did anything that would get me in trouble. In other words: they figured I'd be a great influence on their children. My friends probably would have been pissed at me for allowing their parents to get this airy (and horribly inaccurate) view about who I was, but it meant they could do things and go places they wouldn't otherwise be allowed to do/go. After all, the good kid would be there to make sure things didn't get out of hand.

As I've grown, I've learned to hate the idea of wearing masks to please other people. Being able to read someone at a glance and gauge what they would find most appealing is a very handy skill - particularly in the business world, but wearing a mask to completely hide who I am is a repulsive thought to me, and the idea of changing who I am just to give someone a certain impression of who I am is so vile, it makes my stomach turn to think of it.

Today, I went to my parents house. My aunt (Dad's sister) came down for the weekend to visit and to celebrate the birth of my daughter, Christmas, and New Years all in one go. It has also been about two and-a-half years since we've seen her. Here's the snag: she's not a Christian. What she does believe isn't important to my story, as I have seen the change I will soon describe in them around other non-Christians.

The tree was left up, despite the small mound of needles that is rapidly growing underneath it. All the decorations were left just so. Extra finger food had been purchased to ensure we'd still be Christmasy for the visit. So far, so good. These considerations would be taken for any guest in my mother's house. Vacuum the floor - check; dust the knick-knacks - check; clip the dog's nails - screw it. The house was ready.

Lunch was Chinese food. I ate too much, which is nothing out of the ordinary, but I started noticing withing five minutes of being in my parents' home that they were different. Slightly, but just different enough to annoy me. They had turned up the "Jesus juice." Why? As the evening progressed, I refine the image that had been coming into slow focus as the hours passed. Although I am positive they weren't meaning to, they had put on an air of uncomfortable condescension toward my aunt. AGAIN - I AM SURE THIS WAS UNINTENTIONAL, AND BROUGHT ON MY DISCOMFORT, but nonetheless I picked up on it.

I had to run out to the pharmacy after getting my wife and daughter home, and this gave me some time to think about the night's particulars. I got to thinking about how Jesus would have acted. In the gospels, there are several instances of Jesus eating meals with people that would have been considered by His followers as "unsavory characters." He pissed a lot of people off by eating with people most "good" people would have gone out of their way to avoid. I thought: "How sad is it that so many modern Christians can't bring themselves to befriend the 'unsavory' of today."

I have had the good fortune to have met many people who not only aren't Christians, but have completely opposing beliefs or lifestyles. I have had dear friends that were homosexual, Buddhist, Islamic, Wiccan, Atheistic, etc. and have loved each of them as dearly as I have loved my Christian friends. Sadly, a great many of the Christians I know get nervous and awkward when people that fall into any of these or myriad other beliefs so much as come up in conversation.

I am a Christian. I am very proud of my beliefs and hold them resolutely. I would love nothing more than for my non-Christian friends and family to convert, but I also know this: I CAN'T CONVERT THEM. The Bible - the very book on which my religion/beliefs are based states VERY clearly that Conversion is an act of divine intervention. What I (and every Christian) am called to do is to be examples of Christ's love. I am not supposed to walk around saying, "Hey everyone! I have all my shit together, so you should be like me! Everything you know is wrong, so you should just accept that everything that I know is right!" I somehow think however, that without doing so in so many words, this is what a staggering number of Christians do every day. I am not at all surprised the non-Christian world thinks of Christians as primarily hypocritical, shallow, and haughty, condescending prigs that don't genuinely care about anyone outside of their clique.

A final note: I mentioned earlier that my parents are not perfect people. I would be remiss if I failed to mention that I too am riddled with flaws. But the freeing thing for me is knowing that it's our flaws that make us human. We're all trying to fix our flaws, don't get me wrong, but if we were all perfect, there would be far less creativity and curiosity in the world, I think.